Im not gonna lie to myself nor im gonna hide my feelings anymore. All these while i was bloody OKAY, copping my life bits by bits all by myself for years, trying to forget that he's gone forever, i never spoke to anyone bout him but why, why must YOU force me to remember everything. Do you know how much it hurts inside each time i sees the guy totally resembles like Jin? I tried so hard to avoid, but the more i avoid the more i sees him. I dont wanna cry after each time i sees him. To make things worst, why is it sadness in his eyes whenever i sees him? Its even harder to say "Hi" to him although he hangs out alot with my buddies. What is it YOU want from me? Why cant YOU take away all these away from me. Its already hard knowing the fact that someone you love is gone forever ,its even harder remembering and going through everything again. I just wanna live a normal life not this.I dont blame the guy who resembles Jin but why, why must YOU do this to me?

To you Jin...

Everything seems to be so perfect, warm and real yet just when my eyes starts to open, dissapointment fulfill my souls. I guess what mum used to say its true that when we sleeps, our soul will leave our body.The moment you hug me in my dreams last night, i felt so familiar and warm when it was raining and cold outside.Although its just a dream, you've made my day better than the previous weeks. All my problems seems to fade away when im with you. Eventhough its been 4 years that you're gone I guess you kept your promise that you'll always be around whenever i need you and you'll continue to do so.Although you're not physically here with me, I know you're always around me to see how im doing. I'll always remember whatever you said when you're still alive and live happily. I heard When you're gone by avril lavigne just now while driving and it reminds me of you. The lyrics represents how i feel without you and i hope you'll always be around to hug me although you could only do that in my dreams now.

To you Jin,

"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Down Down Down

Okay, i must admit i am a person with a bad temper and gets angry easily but i never hated someone so much before. I mean, come on, we all hated at least one person in our life right? But then, i dont know why this person is just getting on my nerves with whatever he's doing. I dont like the sight of him walking infront of me in class, i dont like it when he blocks my way,i dont like it when he interrupts when i speak to others,i dont like it whenever he's near me, i dont like it when he speaks to me , mind you , i stop speaking to him dont know since when. I mean how could i hate someone so much when we used to hang out. Maybe, its the character that gets me on my nerves, i disrespect people with bad bad bad characters...arggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh i want this term to end A.S.A.P especially ACC so i dont have to have any hatred in me.............I hope he doesnt come to class today so i can have a happy mood to learn.....DUH~~~~

Happy Birthday to Michelle Tee :)

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MICHELLE TEE a.k.a MooMoo TEE....


Dear Michelle,

Happy Birthday my dear. I hope you enjoy your day to the fullest and fill it with sweet memories and fun. :)

Moo Moo, today is the new begining chapter in your life, i hope the new begining brings u many more wonderful happy chapters for you. Im glad that i got to know you and even had a chance to live with you :)

Lastly please forgive me for all my wrongdoings to you....Hope u have the greatest day today ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY ;)) love ya <3

My List

The 2012 issues is hot on the rise right now as the movie is showing. As i read through and talk about it with Miss J, i was wondering if the world is really coming to an end, what are the things or the list that i would want to do before its too late...Therefore i've decided to list down everthing that i would want to do before i die or before world ends....



1. Tell Mum and Dad how much i love them although i dont say it out and ask for their forgiveness as i know i've never been a good daughter.


2.Tell Bro that i love him although he gets on my nerves most of the time.


3.Spend more time with my family ( have breakfast more with dad and dinner with mum )


4.Work for Unicef.


5.Be at two countries at the same time.


6.Save enough money for dad and mum to have a trip overseas.( China and Rome will be perfect)


7. Tell every single of my friends how colorful my life has been with them painting pictures in it :)


8.Apologize to every single person i know cause i dont know who i might have hurt unintentionally.


9.Adopt a kid


10.Open "Havana" the cookies and ice cream shop that i've always wanted.


11.Build an orphanage and an old folks home.


12.Visit more charity homes.


13. Believe in God.


14.Forgive, forget and try to love people that have hurt me as i believe everyone is a sinner.


15.Bungee Jump

16.More hikings and camp with my "Jungle Girls"



17. Open a school in Africa


18.Visit Japan, Korea, France and North Pole.( They claim Santa lives there)


19. See, feel and play in the snow.


20. Walking under the rain with the person i love most.


21.Watching Arsenal playing live action football in Emirates Stadium


22.Drive a sports car


23.Paintball Game


24.Love myself more.


25.See more shooting stars.


26.Ask Mr. C out on a date.


27.Tell " him " how much i love and like him.


28. Make more money


29.Being pregnant ( but it will be too selfish of me right?)


30.Stop regretting and looking back into my past.


31.Telling everyone in my life " I Love You " every single day


32. Making every wish in my list come true :)


AND..............................................................


Find my other half :P

Untitle

Last night about 5 min after we reach home from sending bro to Seremban around 7 smtg, bi called mum and told mum that her dad has to transfer to Ampang Puteri cause they doesnt have a cardiologist in KPJ Kajang. So mum decided to go with her as she was confused and upset and mum wanted to be there for her. While driving to the hospital, mum was talking bout Francisca and how the doctor couldnt detect her heart problem until the last days of her life as she was born as a normal healthy baby. I could sense tears in her eyes and through her voice. She talked about grandma too.Dad's side has a history of heart problem,therefore we all have a high risk.

While in the ICU,the surgeon explain to us about Uncle Ah Kim's condition.He has to do a heart bypass as his left artery is totally block and the right ones are almost block too. The surgeon furthermore explained that it could be cause by gens as grandma had the same problem and he's a heavy smoker too.That suddenly reminds me of dad. He used to complained having chest pain and just the other day he was telling me about his pain and dad is a heavy smoker too. What can i say? All the Chang Brothers are the same = S.T.U.B.B.O.R.N.

When i was about to leave, i saw Uncle Ah Kim was trying to hold back his tears, i knew he was worried and pretty upset.Bi and Yin was also holding back their tears. Seeing this , i almost couldn't control my tears. I hope everything will be alright for them soon and may Uncle Ah Kim recover ASAP.

Whoever created cigarettes,Here's something for you " Thanks to you, millions of smokers and their family have to suffer"

I been missing Jin alot lately especially when alot of things is happening.It feels lonely nowadays especially Miss J is in Indon and God knows what is wrong with Ken. Maybe just maybe i should make new friends in Kajang since the rest of the gang is so "caught up " with their new Uni friends and life :P The comp guys wouldnt be a bad choice as my new friends i guess since they all already know my name, I just need to memorize their name now and be friends with them...good crappy idea Kim....

A piece of thought :)

Wokay....Monday,on the 2nd of November is MooMoo,Tan Tan,Cindy and Ke shin's Pink Birthday Bash which i,unfortunately cant make it cause i have to have dinner with my family which is something rare.....

......... BUT........

I wanted to give them something...a gift which i make myself and i really hope they will like it
*fingers cross*


........ AND.....

Of course i hope whatever im making now turns out good :))

I sucks at using the computer :P

About two days ago, while surfing the net, i decided to check out UNICEF Malaysia's website as the website has been down for quite sometime and guess what? the site is up again and that really made my day :)

I've downloaded the volunteer form but the problem is i have to email them back the form and i cant fill in the form using the computer.Its like as if the form cant be edited or filled in the computer and another thing is Im afraid i cannot fully commit myself into it as my schedule changes every term but then again, this is a stepping stone for me to my dreams although it is just volunteering in Malaysia and not directly working with the unfortunate children all over the world. I guess i just have to figure out how to fill in the form using the computer which i think i pretty sucks at it.

B.L.A.N.K

Life is getting much simpler and happier during this one year. Im glad that i got to know who are my true friends, friends that are always there to support me and are willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on. And...of course i also got to know who are the people whom i used to classify them as " F.R.I.E.N.D.S" or " F.A.M.I.L.Y" which turns out to be some selfish,hyprocrite and two faces people and worst,backstabbers who backstabs their own friends for their own needs.Since knowing that, i choosed to stay away from them cause at the end of the day, they doesnt matter in my life as i need not more dramas from them.


Seeing to much dramas made me scared at times and questions keep running thorugh my mind like a river...how will i ever know if they are true? will those whom i care and love backstabs me? will i ever know if i changed again to be a stranger that me myself wouldnt recognize myself anymore? the answer is " I DONT KNOW and I HOPE NOT".....

Life is so unpredictable that you wouldnt know what will happen the next moment...Jin, will i ever be able to stand up again if i fall down? Life just seems harder without you around, i know i promised to be strong no matter what happen just like u used to tell me that I'm kim and nothing is ever gonna bring me down.But it is harder than it seems...I just wish you were still here to hug me without saying a word like you used to whenever i cry or im down..I just wish every single day that you're still alive to know how much i miss you..

Overdue Pictures :) 24.09.09

FOOD & BEVERAGE :)




mE & JuWita

People that colors my life <3>

My best friend, Miss J <3

* Celebrated Juwi's 21st belated birthday...




Debbie and Jessica

P/S: its so hard to get a pic of her :P

* Miss Debbie Leong -my childhood friend

since 7 :)

Juwi- my other childhood friend since im 7 too <3

Miss J..miss you so much <3

* I love you girls <3

:)

I had a wonderful night tonight with the girls and seeing H.I.M :) but Miss J said he's shorty :(
but its ok me likey :))

Pictures will be uploaded soon....so stay tune :)

I am.....

trying to be better...
trying to forgive and forget...
trying to be happier....
trying to study...

learning to love more....
learning what is important...
learning what life is....
learning to accept....
learning to improve M.E...

feeling a lil clueless...
feeling a lil empty...
feeling a lil in love...
feeling a lil happiness...
feeling a lil sadness...

wishing for more time...
wishing that i will just "KNOW"...
wishing for H.I.M...
wishing for more brain cells =(...
wishing for all my wishes to come true...

Just being M.E....